Halloween chili

1 1/4  Pounds        ground goblin gizzards (ground beef 15%
                        fat)
   1      Medium        eye of Cyclops (onion)
   1      15 Oz. Can    soft shelled beetles (kidney beans)
   1      28 Oz. Can    blood of bat (V-8 juice)
     1/8  Teaspoon      pureed wasp (prepared mustard)
     1/4  Teaspoon      common dried weed (oregano)
   1      Dash          Redtailed hawk toenails (crushed red
                        pepper)
   2      Teaspoons     ground sumac blossom (chili powder)
   1      Teaspoon      hemlock (honey or sugar)
     1/2  Cup           fresh grubs (sliced celery)
   1      Tablespoon    eye of Newt (pearled barley)
   1      Tablespoon    dried maggots (uncooked rice)
                        Water from a stagnant pond (tap water)


Substitutions are in parenthesis.  Best made during the last  phase of the
moon, if that is not possible, just do the best you can  in a softly lighted
kitchen after dark.  Brown the gizzards in an  iron cauldron over a fire
made from the siding off of a haunted  house, add chopped eye of cyclops and
simmer until the pieces of eye  become translucent again, add blood of bat,
and soft shelled  beetles, bring to a slow bubbling boil.  At this time, add
the  common weed, maggots, toenails, sumac, grubs, hemlock, eye of newt  and
the pureed wasp.  As it cooks you may want to adjust the  consistency with
pond water.  You can tell it is done when the eye  of newt swells and the
vertical tan colored 'cats eye' appears on  one side.